Christian marriage counseling can help you.

Christian marriage counseling is needed for serious marriage issues. Why? Because unlike most marriage counseling that simply deals with problems at the behavioral level, Christian marriage counseling is a holistic approach, involving the mind and soul -- the spiritual component.

Before I delve into the nitty gritty of Christian marriage counseling, allow me to first set a foundation on how we humans are created ...

We humans have three brains. We have a primitive lizard brain, the cerebellum, in the lower back of the brain. It keeps us balanced and modulates stimuli so that it does not overwhelm us. It performs a lot of the stage one functions. Part of autism comes from damages to this brain.

We have the lower, central brain. It is often referred to as the animal brain. Like a relay system it receives our senses and directs stimuli to the right place in the brain to be used for thinking. It is considered the emotional center of the brain and is used in a lot of functions of stage two. It also contains the “Stop, Fight, or Flight" function of survival. This middle brain can be like a wild animal, calm one moment and with little provoking can attack another person in perceived danger. This is where a lot of marital and family fighting begins. And when the issues are allowed to fester without being addressed at the onset, Christian marriage counseling becomes inevitable.

The third brain is our upper, most evolved brain. It makes up about eighty percent of the entire brain system and is the animal tamer.  Socializing occurs mostly here. Our philosophy and belief systems tell us what to look for, value, and give us the rules and regulations of our actions. We then create a plan of action, what we feel we should do from the information we have from our senses, emotions, and beliefs. 

The fourth stage is action. We have processed our senses, emotions, and beliefs. We have planned out a course of action. Now we act on it. We use our talents, skills, and habits to carry out our tasks or set of actions. When the four stages (from first awareness to final action) are unbalanced and not talking to each other, we loose our ability to observe and learn, we loose our sensitivity to others, we don’t stop and think or nurture other family members, therefore, we do things inappropriate for their needs. We don’t respond correctly. We disappoint, confuse or hurt others and build a case against them for not nurturing us. We may do revengeful things. 

We as a family play different roles: 

1. The perpetrator
2. The victim or
3. The rescuer. 

Roles take many forms: 

1. Tyrant, thug, parent, policeman
2. Poor me, martyr, victim
3. Clown, savior 

The scripts for these roles are endless. A person may switch roles according to the situations.

If things are not right between the mom and dad a child will see one as the victim and the other as the perpetrator and the child will try and rescue the victim. That is a betrayal to our children and they may get depressed or rebel. 

The Spiritual Family
The combination and interactions of the four stages of the brain and the resulting scripts, games and roles we play as a family are endless. To find scripts and roles that tune up our brains and soul we turn to religions for the answer. Although written two to four thousand years ago the authors of the Bible were inspired scholars, men and women who had the time to observe and write down what works. We humans are the same past or present, the Bible is the first and still perfect psychology. 

God is what works, from biology, to values, philosophy, and in actions. If we read the word of God we learn how to have healthy families. We then have to be humble enough to follow it.

People are to follow God first. If a husband is not godly a wife can not follow him and God too. Men are stronger than their wives and therefore and can be the best protectors or do the most damage. It is so very important that he is right with God or his wife will be in a bind. She can not give up her Godly duty or caring for her children to follow a tyrant man. The wages of sin is death. She and her children are too vulnerable, God is what works, not man. So man must be Godly to protect and not to tear asunder. So the Bible made man the spiritual leader of the home to help him not be a tyrant. 

A woman must also follow God for a good marriage. When both partners are right with God and pray together in humility to search out what to do in their marriage they are well on their way to figuring out what helps them to nurture each other in an empathetic and healthy way. Life is not simple and easily manipulated for the good of all. But a spiritual family is in the best hands to begin the process of learning how to live and carry on a relationship and family in a productive way. If you would like help in seeing some of your dynamics you may ask me questions.

If you would like help in seeing the dynamics, past and present, with the complications in your family you can ask me questions personally.