Survivor of Suicide

The environment, nature, and situations shape personalities. In turn situations are shaped by personalities, nurture. Our brain function also influences our personalities and is a result of nature and nurture.

The brain goes through four stages from first awareness to final action. It first perceives i.e. see, hear, smell, feel or taste. Any objects or life form is then identified, say fire.

Next is the second step. A value must be assigned to the object or live form such as good, bad, safe, dangerous, important, not important, avoid, or go for it, etc. The third step is to figure out how the object or life form fits into the scheme of things. Fire at the tip of a candle is used differently than a flame in a fireplace, or the fire in a burning home. The brain can then plan what to do with or about the fire.

In the last and fourth stage we try to carry out our plans. Each stage affects the other three stages. How balanced each stage is with the others influences our personality.

If we see fire but do not fear it we may not prepare our plans to avoid being hurt. If we do not see how to use fire we may not harness it. ADHD children may be fascinated with fire but not see the danger or proper use of the fire.

The four stages and our personality are also influenced by: 

1. Biology: inherited traits and abilities, changes in development, or injuries all affect how well we learn.
   
   
2. Family values or emotional experiences from the past affect us. So does inherited feelings of anxiety and pain.
   
   
3. How you believe affects motivation and interpretation. How much love or fear, if you grow and expand or not, or how you go about doing things. It all helps curb or expand perceptions, emotions and action.
   
   
4. The habits and skill we have affect how we go about doing or not doing things. 

Free will results when each stage affects each other in such a way to help us see, give correct values and build a spiritual philosophy and do the right thing.

Free will is at it’s best when all these factors are balanced. We are able to see, motivate, speculate and conquer or assimilate. If unbalanced our personalities are lacking what it takes to act for the good of others or of our selves. A pyromaniac may set fires that hurt others. 

Suicide is an act that follows failure of all four stages. Suicide is a natural desire in deep depression. The brain only feels its own pain and wants to end the misery. If the pain and confusion reach a certain point of destroying the free will suicide may follow. How depression can make the four stages non-functional are as follow. 

1. Depression is called the first stages of death. It will close down the brain. In the first stage of the brain the senses close down. Drugs & alcohol, accidents, or abuse can also cause the senses to falter.
   
   
2. In the second stage of the brain the pain is so intense that feelings of love and well being are pushed in the background.
   
   
3. In the third stage of the brain we feel trapped, our blood chemistry also is closing us down. We have a hard time thinking our way out of the idea of suicide and how to reopen up our hopes. It becomes a natural progression to think of dying and getting it over with.
   
   
4. In the fourth stage all alternatives seem to have dropped out of our minds. We may not see any other alternative.

When loved ones have taken the route of suicide, we are left with depression, pain, a sense of helplessness, and sometimes we even want to join them. How do we grieve and heal and build ourselves back to a state of health. What works is a little different for all of us as all of us are a little different. But in general we want to reopen our four stages of the brain and get up and running again.

Basically we are looking at strengthening the whole body and the four stages of the brain.

1. We need to talk to caring people and read about the positive and hopeful things in life so we do not close down our senses. We learn to keep observing  life with joy.
   
   
2. We need to open up love and empathy for others even though we are in pain. Feeling connected to others gives us more of the chemicals in the brain to want to live and enjoy it.
   
   
3. Our brains have a story line for the deceased one. We need to review the life with them and rewrite it with a new ending. We need an ending that says it's going to be OK. We have to look at any guilt we may feel from being unable to predict and stop them from taking their own life. We have to remember that we are only human and we can not read the future or what others think and feel. We need to rewrite our thoughts and feelings so we put the death of a loved one in perspective and see a hopeful life beyond.
   
   
4. We have to get back into the activities of life. A body that moves and tries to be active and meet the challenges of life reopens the brain.

Live situations are complex and varied. If you need help in starting this process you can ask me to help you sort out the confusion.